Comments for He's History, You're Not http://heshistory.com Surviving Divorce After 40 Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:58:54 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 Comment on What kind of compromises should you make to find a relationship? by Kate http://heshistory.com/2009/02/what-kind-of-compromises-should-you-make-to-find-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-102 Kate Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:58:54 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=143#comment-102 Erica, although you did cite one instance where an inflammatory email was effective,I side with your co-leader. I wrote many long letters and emails I did not send to my ex. (Okay, I confess I did send one or two notes at the beginning.) As my shrink noted, why give the ex the satisfaction of knowing you're still angry and upset? To send or not send has nothing to do with new agey anything; it is about impulse control. It's easy to hit send in a fit of anger, harder to restrain yourself. Kate Erica, although you did cite one instance
where an inflammatory email was effective,I side with your co-leader. I wrote many long letters and emails I did not send to my ex.
(Okay, I confess I did send one or two notes at
the beginning.) As my shrink noted, why give the ex the satisfaction of knowing you’re
still angry and upset? To send or not send
has nothing to do with new agey anything; it
is about impulse control. It’s easy to hit send in a fit of anger, harder to restrain yourself.
Kate

]]> Comment on What’re you doing for Valentine’s Day? by Kate http://heshistory.com/2009/02/whatre-you-doing-for-valentines-day/comment-page-1/#comment-97 Kate Wed, 25 Feb 2009 13:03:34 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=141#comment-97 yikes...my take is that if someone talks excessively he or she better be witty and well-read, a brilliant conversationalist. Clearly this guy was not. He bored you. His not listening and not showing any interest shows a lack of empathy. I love your question about what the ex would say about why they broke up. Lack of communication- ain't that the truth. Can someone change at 60? Maybe, if they are very aware and committed to change. Kate yikes…my take is that if someone talks excessively he or she better be witty and well-read, a brilliant conversationalist.
Clearly this guy was not. He bored you.
His not listening and not showing any interest shows a lack of empathy. I love
your question about what the ex would
say about why they broke up. Lack of
communication- ain’t that the truth.
Can someone change at 60? Maybe, if they
are very aware and committed to change.
Kate

]]> Comment on My first date in two years was a bomb. by kate http://heshistory.com/2009/02/my-first-date-in-two-years-was-a-bomb/comment-page-1/#comment-95 kate Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:28:50 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=140#comment-95 Erica, you are not a snob. you are simply in a different intellectual/social class than this guy. everyone has their limits but a non-reader with bad grammar would be a deal breaker for this writer. I literally cringe when I hear bad grammar. Kate Erica, you are not a snob. you are simply
in a different intellectual/social class
than this guy. everyone has their limits
but a non-reader with bad grammar would
be a deal breaker for this writer. I
literally cringe when I hear bad grammar. Kate

]]> Comment on Yet another shrink visit by James Knight http://heshistory.com/2008/12/yet-another-shrink-visit/comment-page-1/#comment-94 James Knight Wed, 11 Feb 2009 04:21:29 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=139#comment-94 My friends got a Wedding Ring Coffin for me when my wife and I divorced. As silly as it sounds, putting the ring in the coffin and closing the lid really helped bring me closure to the whole process. My friends got a Wedding Ring Coffin for me when my wife and I divorced. As silly as it sounds, putting the ring in the coffin and closing the lid really helped bring me closure to the whole process.

]]> Comment on In Defense of Desperation by Catherine http://heshistory.com/2008/10/in-defense-of-desperation/comment-page-1/#comment-59 Catherine Tue, 11 Nov 2008 06:57:17 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=122#comment-59 I had an affair with my husband for 15 months. He was married to my friend and I was the bridesmaid at their wedding. After they had been married for 5 years he had begun to confide in me that he wasn't happy, she didn't understand him blah blah and blah. Eventually he loved me so much (so he says) that he left her and after two years we were married. It was the happiest day of my life. I had a soul mate that I adored. Now fast forward to today....17 years later.....he left me 7 months ago for a younger woman. In answer to your question - sure they might just marry their partner - but let me tell you - I was the other woman and I paid a high price for our affiar. Our relationship began with deception and it ended with deception. He is, as is your ex a real 'piece of work'. He is not a man of integrity or ethical character and she is welcome to him. I know that all through our marriage I just didn't quite trust him. I can see now with such clarity that he was a man with far too many secrets and in the end it was never going to work. I had an affair with my husband for 15 months. He was married to my friend and I was the bridesmaid at their wedding. After they had been married for 5 years he had begun to confide in me that he wasn’t happy, she didn’t understand him blah blah and blah. Eventually he loved me so much (so he says) that he left her and after two years we were married. It was the happiest day of my life. I had a soul mate that I adored. Now fast forward to today….17 years later…..he left me 7 months ago for a younger woman. In answer to your question – sure they might just marry their partner – but let me tell you – I was the other woman and I paid a high price for our affiar. Our relationship began with deception and it ended with deception. He is, as is your ex a real ‘piece of work’. He is not a man of integrity or ethical character and she is welcome to him. I know that all through our marriage I just didn’t quite trust him. I can see now with such clarity that he was a man with far too many secrets and in the end it was never going to work.

]]> Comment on Reuniting with old friends by Claudine Jalajas http://heshistory.com/2008/10/reuniting-with-old-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-55 Claudine Jalajas Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:12:57 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=124#comment-55 I'm glad that in the future you will speak to your friends with stronger backbones that will help you. It's not a bad thing--to be a kind hearted person like you obviously are. I think that it makes you a giant target for rotten, nasty, self-absorbed, ego-maniacal jerks. You're not the first and not the last--the jerks seek out nice people like you. So yes, learn to stick up for yourself, but don't beat yourself up even more. This person, the fab-u writer, has some serious issues of her own. If I had to pick, I'd take yours over hers anyday. Chin up! Claudine :) I’m glad that in the future you will speak to your friends with stronger backbones that will help you. It’s not a bad thing–to be a kind hearted person like you obviously are. I think that it makes you a giant target for rotten, nasty, self-absorbed, ego-maniacal jerks. You’re not the first and not the last–the jerks seek out nice people like you. So yes, learn to stick up for yourself, but don’t beat yourself up even more. This person, the fab-u writer, has some serious issues of her own. If I had to pick, I’d take yours over hers anyday.

Chin up!

Claudine :)

]]> Comment on What I learned from foster parenting training. by John Garrett http://heshistory.com/2008/10/what-i-learned-from-foster-parenting-training/comment-page-1/#comment-54 John Garrett Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:25:01 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=123#comment-54 Hi, Erica: Well, I don't know who you were "working" with, but it sounds like it wasn't a good match. I always tell my clients that if they don't feel comfortable with me, they won't get the benefits of the processes I use and they should find someone else. And, you're right in that the practitioner MUST have a sense of humor (and a thick skin). That said, I hope that you find someone who can meet your needs. I have worked with law enforcement, military, and civilians using the EFT method, and it works. Delivery of service is VERY important, along with a clear explanation of who, what and how. Good Luck Hi, Erica:

Well, I don’t know who you were “working” with, but it sounds like it wasn’t a good match. I always tell my clients that if they don’t feel comfortable with me, they won’t get the benefits of the processes I use and they should find someone else. And, you’re right in that the practitioner MUST have a sense of humor (and a thick skin).

That said, I hope that you find someone who can meet your needs. I have worked with law enforcement, military, and civilians using the EFT method, and it works. Delivery of service is VERY important, along with a clear explanation of who, what and how.

Good Luck

]]> Comment on What I learned from foster parenting training. by Patricia http://heshistory.com/2008/10/what-i-learned-from-foster-parenting-training/comment-page-1/#comment-53 Patricia Fri, 24 Oct 2008 08:45:10 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=123#comment-53 Hi Erica I totally understand your reasons for giving up EFT! You have to be compatible with your therapist or it just does not work. I think it is a shame though, because in my opinion EFT is the quickest, and therefore cheapest, form of therapy there is. It seems that talk therapy just goes round and round in circles, not resolving the issues. Maybe you need to shop around for a different therapist. I don't watch Saturday Night Live as I am English, (and living in England) but I could offer you a free 20 minute session using the phone to see how we get on if you like. (This is my usual way of working.) Then, if you want to continue, we can either arrange another time to work or carry on for an hour. I have a good phone deal so I can phone the US at no extra charge. Or we could use Skype if you prefer. Let me know. Patricia Hi Erica
I totally understand your reasons for giving up EFT! You have to be compatible with your therapist or it just does not work.
I think it is a shame though, because in my opinion EFT is the quickest, and therefore cheapest, form of therapy there is. It seems that talk therapy just goes round and round in circles, not resolving the issues.

Maybe you need to shop around for a different therapist. I don’t watch Saturday Night Live as I am English, (and living in England) but I could offer you a free 20 minute session using the phone to see how we get on if you like. (This is my usual way of working.) Then, if you want to continue, we can either arrange another time to work or carry on for an hour. I have a good phone deal so I can phone the US at no extra charge. Or we could use Skype if you prefer.
Let me know.
Patricia

]]> Comment on I tried EFT — very strange. by Katherine http://heshistory.com/2008/10/i-tried-eft-very-strange/comment-page-1/#comment-35 Katherine Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:37:05 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=111#comment-35 I think a lot of it depends on your attitude. If you tell yourself that something doesn't work, you're going to miss out on some of the subtle changes and give up before you see results. I watched a DVD a while back where they were doing a retreat for EFT (Try It On Everything), and you could definitely see how attitude played a role in the success for different people. I think a lot of it depends on your attitude. If you tell yourself that something doesn’t work, you’re going to miss out on some of the subtle changes and give up before you see results. I watched a DVD a while back where they were doing a retreat for EFT (Try It On Everything), and you could definitely see how attitude played a role in the success for different people.

]]> Comment on I tried EFT — very strange. by Kate http://heshistory.com/2008/10/i-tried-eft-very-strange/comment-page-1/#comment-31 Kate Sat, 04 Oct 2008 00:11:49 +0000 http://heshistory.com/?p=111#comment-31 Erica, If you feel so cynical about this therapy, it probably will not work and then it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You need to make a leap of faith if you are trying these new techniques. What do you have to lose? Kate Erica, If you feel so cynical about this therapy, it probably will not work and then it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You need to make a leap of faith if you are trying these new techniques.
What do you have to lose?
Kate

]]>