October 15, 2008 – 11:05 am
Yesterday I went to my foster parenting class and learned something interesting during the training. Most of the training has been dead boring, almost impossible to sit through, especially since it’s in windowless room in the bowels of the Department of Social Services for 3 endless hours from 6:30 to 9:30 at night. I was [...]
October 13, 2008 – 9:57 pm
The shrink asked me today if I’d ever had a serious relationship before my husband. I thought about it and had to say I hadn’t, depending on how you defined serious relationship. I certainly never had a strong connection with anyone, and I met my husband at age 41 so that’s saying a lot. I [...]
October 13, 2008 – 9:41 pm
Another session today with the shrink. She asked me a lot of questions to fill her in about my marriage and my daughter. I find that every time I look back at my marriage I see it in a slightly different light.
We talked a lot about my feeling “selfish.” That’s been a theme in my [...]
October 12, 2008 – 10:38 pm
Well no matter how much I complain about my ex and his affair partner, now his wife, at least she wasn’t my best friend I don’t have to live with the two of them. In the 1770s in England that’s what the Dutchess of Devonshire was stuck with when her husband had an affair [...]
October 10, 2008 – 8:36 pm
I feel a sense of peace today. Much more peace than I felt before Yom Kippur. My friend Kate (who follows my blog) wrote to me about my last post about first getting sick and then struggling to see more of my daughter:
<<Seems like you trying to have a relationship with her now is causing [...]
October 9, 2008 – 8:19 pm
I was in the front row this year, under the enormous tent that our synagogue puts up for High Holy Day services. There are over a thousand people singing, swaying and praying. It’s like a Jewish tent revival. There’s something about the power of prayer that raises a lot of energy, especially if so many [...]
October 8, 2008 – 10:47 am
I am sticking up for myself–and my daughter– for a change. After therapy yesterday I went to the supermarket and all of a sudden started feeling really sick, like I wanted to pass out. It was so strange. I felt fine when I walked into the supermarket but by the time I got to the [...]
October 6, 2008 – 4:24 pm
I saw my daughter (let’s call her Dorothy as I do in my book) last Wednesday in Alice, her therapist’s, office for a half hour. She taught me how to play some silly game and I acted interested. Alice played too and Dorothy directed more conversation to her than to me. [...]
October 6, 2008 – 4:07 pm
I went to Susan, my new therapist today—the one who is using EFT (emotional freedom technique) and she noticed that last session I seemed detached while doing the exercise (see previous blog) . I admitted that I felt mechanical doing it—it seemed phony to me. Well, she didn’t give up, but she did convince me [...]
October 4, 2008 – 3:47 pm
In the shower this morning I had a flash of insight. What is it about the shower that provides insight? I’ve been working on the theme of regret and trying to think of exactly what is it that enables us to overcome regret.
What provides relief, is, I believe, just ONE thing: self-forgiveness. [...]