Author Archives: Erica Manfred

The Family Mediation from Hell

I haven’t reported lately on my progress with my ex and my daughter and wish I had great news to report.  I haven’t seen Freda since Halloween.  Here’s what I wrote to her shrink about it the next day:
My visit with Freda on Friday night was great but Halloween was a disaster.  She decided on [...]

Tiger Woods ‘R Us

I’ve been wondering why the Tiger Woods thing is such a big deal in the media.  Why do people care about Tiger’s infidelities?  After all, it seems to me that infidelity is treated as no big deal in this country.  Men cheat every day, get caught, get divorced, leave their kids, drag their kids into [...]

Family Feud

This past Thanksgiving I traveled to Detroit, a city I’d never seen, to meet my father’s last surviving brother for the first time.  He is 92, I am 60, my father has been dead for 20 years and his other 2 brothers and sister are also long gone.    I never met any of them, nor [...]

Infidelity as Aggression

Have you been wondering why the man who cheated on you is also so furious at you?  Where does he get  off blaming you when he was the one who cheated?   When my ex told me he was leaving I kept asking him why he was so angry at me, what did I do that [...]

Miracle of Miracles…A Civil Conversation with My Ex

Submitted by: Erica
I actually had a cordial conversation with my ex last week. It took 7 years, a big crisis, and my daughter’s therapist being away for the summer for it to happen. 
Here’s some background. I’m 66 and my adopted daughter is 11, my ex husband is 14 years younger than me. Why did I [...]

Dating, Sex and the Older Woman

Submitted by: Erica
 
I was interviewed for a radio show today, by Kacey on WHUD.com in the Hudson Valley. I’ll post the interview when it’s available. Anyway, Kacey asked me about dating because I’d been very upbeat about it in my book. I had to admit the truth, I’ve stopped dating. I’m 66 and I feel [...]

To Tell Or Not To Tell—About His Affairs

Submitted by: Erica
 
I spoke at a divorce support group last night and heard some interesting stories about adult children of divorce. One woman’s ex told her 19-year-old son that he was about to divorce her before he told her. Actually he asked his son whether he thought it was a good idea. I thought I’d [...]

Midlife Divorce: Housing Options For Older Divorced Women

Submitted by: Erica
Divorcées who sink try desperately to maintain their old lifestyle because radical change is too frightening. Divorcées who swim plunge into new ways of living. Are you reading to take the plunge?
My favorite example is from Calling It Quits: Late Life Divorce and Starting Over by Deirdre Bair. She interviewed a divorcée who [...]

Alimony…Should he Pay if he Trades in the Old Model After 30 or 40 Years of Marriage?

Submitted by: Erica
I recently saw Terry Hekker on the Today Show and was struck by her story. Terry, now in her sixties, was a traditional housewife during the 70s and 80s.  She even wrote a book, Ever Since Adam and Eve at the end of the 1970s extolling the virtues of staying home and raising [...]

To Send or Not to Send; That is the Question

We were discussing this in my divorce support group tonight. I’m of the “go ahead and hit send” school, as long as your ex isn’t going to haul you into court over what you wrote. My co-leader, who’s a kinda new agey girl thinks you should take the high road and write it [...]