He’s History, You’re Not

My last blog about revenge or forgiveness has elicted a large response on Divorce360.com.   The amount of pain and bitterness poured out is stunning.  Mostly from women.  I’m sure men feel the same way, but it seems to be women who pour it out.    I know bitterness is a bad thing, but if you’re still in the midst of a nasty divorce or custody battle with your ex, especially about children,  I wonder how you stop feeling bitter.    When parental alienation is involved bitterness seemingly can be permanent.   I know the comparison is extreme, but people who go through wars are sometimes permanently traumatized.  Divorce can be like a war, and the trauma can deeply imprinted on your psyche.

I have a friend whose ex kidnapped her children and turned them against her.  This was 30 years ago–she was estranged from them during their entire childhood.  They’re  now grown and she has a relationship with them and they realize their father fed them a crock of bull about her.   But how do you not be bitter about losing your children’s childhood?  It hasn’t totally poisoned her life.  She’s gone on to have a career and re-marry, but never had more children.  She suffers from depression, but who knows if that’s the reason.

I am wishing I could stop being bitter and worried I will feel this way forever.

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