I feel a sense of peace today. Much more peace than I felt before Yom Kippur. My friend Kate (who follows my blog) wrote to me about my last post about first getting sick and then struggling to see more of my daughter:
<<Seems like you trying to have a relationship with her now is causing you a lot of pain and stress and it seems like she could care less at this point. So why are you insisting? Is it about her or you or both? You might want to analyze that more. Obviously, I’m not in your head or body but another interpretation of that getting sick scene is that your gut was telling you to let go- for now. Think about the law of attraction- you attract what you focus upon and you seem to be focused upon this loss.>>
Very wise insights Kate. Thanks. Hopefully it will help other divorced and divorcing readers. The more we focus on our loss, the more we attract the pain around that loss. Of course we need to grieve, but there is a turning point where it becomes beating up on ourselves. I’d long passed that point.
I visited my former foster daughter Tina today. She’s 27, a struggling single mom, and we’re very close. She hugged me and thanked me for visiting and being there for her through thick and thin. I have to remember that when I’m feeling like I’m a terrible mom because my adopted daughter doesn’t want to see me.