This is the first Halloween since she was born that I didn’t spend with my daughter. I have a clause in our custody agreement that I get her for the Halloween parade in our town. She and I had been going every year until this year when our relationship had deteriorated to the point that we have hardly seen each other for months. We usually had a great time during the parade, which includes trick or treating in town, but Halloween was often yet another occasion for a battle with her father and stepmother. I’d dress in her one costume and they’d get furious because she wasn’t in the costume they got her. They managed to ruin Halloween for her. One year she forgot to take the costume they bought her (she was supposed to change into it for their part of the evening). They got angry at her and I started screaming at them in the parking lot for ruining her Halloween. No wonder the kid had a crack up.
Today I saw her at her therapist’s office and will see her for my first alone visit next Wednesday for one hour. Pretty pitiful but better than nothing. I’m feeling really good about it. Strangely, when she was seven, had gotten totally out of control with me, and went to live with her father, I asked her when she was going to get better. Very solemnly she said “I’m going to get worse now mommy. I’ll get better when I’m ten.” So far she’s been right on the money. She got a lot worse, wound up in a mental hospital, and now that she’s ten she’s getting better. I have a psychic child it seems.
I’m almost afraid to hope that we will manage to heal our relationship this year, especially with her poisonous father and stepmother in the wings, but I think her therapist has read them the riot act about not blaming her or me if a visit goes bad. They’re supposed to be available if she wants to go home, but not blame anyone. I think that’s a great plan.
Please pray for us that we’ll be able to be mommy and daughter again.