I am sticking up for myself–and my daughter– for a change. After therapy yesterday I went to the supermarket and all of a sudden started feeling really sick, like I wanted to pass out. It was so strange. I felt fine when I walked into the supermarket but by the time I got to the toilet paper I was ready to fall over. I got in the car, went home and got into bed. I started feeling better by bedtime, got a good night’s sleep and yesterday I was feeling a whole lot better. It was like a poison came to the surface in my mind and body and worked itself out. My emotional depression became physical and forced me to go to sleep. Very strange. Maybe the EFT really did that for me. I’m beginning to believe in it.
Today I started seeing the situation with Dorothy and me very differently. I decided that the terrible funk I sunk into after I saw her–plus this short-lived illness–was telling me something. I wrote this letter to Alice:
(note-all names changed except for Alice-Zeke is my ex, Alina is his wife who he left me for)
Hi Alice:
I’ve been thinking about the issue of visits with Dorothy since last Wednesday. I came out of that visit feeling helpless, hopeless, powerless and unutterably depressed. I think my gut was telling me something–that I can’t just give up on Dorothy. This arrangement is tantamount to giving up.
I really don’t think a half-hour every two weeks is enough for me, or for Dorothy. You say see how it goes, but it’s not enough time to re-establish a relationship with my daughter. By the time a few visits go by, half of the school year will be over. The visits are just too short.
There’s no evidence that not seeing me is helping Dorothy either. Maybe she needs to be with her mother despite her acting out with me. I’ve been taking it for years I can take it some more. I’d rather see an acting-out Dorothy than not see Dorothy at all. We are all capitulating to the power of Alina, which is substantial I admit, but what does that say to Dorothy?
In any case my intuition tells me that this arrangement is just not enough. Zeke and Alina have effectively whittled away at my relationship with Dorothy ever since they got together, of course denying it all the way. How does anyone know this benefits Dorothy?
I totally respect your work with Dorothy but I know you don’t have the time to supervise more visits. I hope you will help me come up with a plan so that someone can. Either someone at school or elsewhere. I’ve contacted Denise and Dr. Yonker (former psychologist and current psychiatrist) to see if they have any ideas. I really don’t want to go to court, but I may be forced to. I may even insist on solo visits with Dorothy just to see how they go.
I’m at my wits end. I don’t buy that being estranged from me is the best thing for Dorothy. I am her mother and my gut feeling has to be respected.”
I did speak to Alice and she agreed that therapeutic visitation with my daughter more often would be a good idea. Now I just have to find someone to do it and talk Dorothy into it.
Wish me luck.