Sometimes I wonder what it is about me that makes people feel they can treat me disrespectfully. I think I don’t demand the kind of respect other people do. I went to my book club tonight and Judy, who acts as if she runs the group although there is no official leader, really gave me a hard time. The last meeting was supposed to be at my house and I was thinking of canceling it because it was August, boiling hot, hardly anyone could come and I was depressed about my daughter cutting off contact with me and couldn’t face having people over. Judy called the day before the meeting to cancel as well. I told her at that time that I was thinking of canceling the meeting altogether. She went ballistic on me, said how dare I cancel the meeting when other people wanted to come. It turned out that only two other people were planning to come and they didn’t care either way if the meeting was cancelled. Only Judy cared and she wasn’t coming anyway.
So tonight the meeting was at her house. At the end of the meeting she asked who wanted to have it next month and I volunteered. She said, “No, the meeting shouldn’t be at your house because you always cancel.” She said I’d cancelled twice before. I didn’t remember doing any such thing, but after I left I remembered canceling once before and asking her to have the meeting because I’d broken my hip and couldn’t manage to have guests. So technically she was right.
Anyway, the point of all this is that she spoke very disrespectfully to me. She got angry with me and basically accused me of being irresponsible. I can’t imagine her speaking to anyone else in the group that way—she certainly never has. I feel like quitting the goddamned group. I’m not that thrilled with it anyway, and haven’t managed to make friends with anyone in it but my neighbor who took me in the first place.
My husband certainly never treated me with respect and neither does my daughter. Maybe respect begins at home, and if you put up with that kind of behavior in one place it spills over and you give off messages that it’s OK to diss you in other places.
What do you think?