I ran into Maria today, a divorcee who I’d interviewed for my book. She’s in her sixties, an old hippie type, but great looking. Slim, shoulder length curly gray/brown hair, jeans and a chic shirt, you’d never guess she was over 60. She looks more like 45. She was dumped after a 25 year marriage by the great love of her life for a younger woman. What else is new? She was devastated, but instead of blaming herself she just picked herself up, dusted herself off, and started all over again. It didn’t hurt that she was rich, but money doesn’t buy self esteem.
Many divorcees I talked to had once been man magnets, but lost their confidence after divorce, especially if they had been left. Others have a rock solid sense of their appeal that wasn’t shaken by divorce.
What’s different about Maria is her attitude:
“I did have a rebound affair after my husband left,” Maria told me. ” It was great because I found out I might be able to have a relationship one day. After that I didn’t date for about two years and it was good to be with myself. Then I thought I’d like to share myself with someone, so I went online at the insistence of my therapist, and met someone. He’s 58, lives about 40 miles away but is thinking of moving here. It’s nice, I’m not in love but I’m in like. He’s in ‘like’ big time. He’s has a totally different energy than my ex husband, he’s more low key, not so dynamic. We’ve been seeing each other for five months, and I just agreed to have sex with him–I wanted to know if I really liked him first.” When I asked her if she was worried about not finding love again she responded: “My worry was not if someone would love me but the other way around.”
If she could bottle that attitude she’d make a fortune. I’d be the first on line to buy it.
When I saw her today I asked if she was still seeing that guy. She asked, “what guy?” Obviously she hasn’t had any trouble finding guys. “Oh yes,” she said, “we’re great friends. I wasn’t ready for a commitment. I like my own company too much.”
She’s still my hero.