How long does it take to move on? Abigail Trafford, author of Crazy Time, says 1 year for every 5 years of marriage. What’s your experience?
I went to yet another new shrink today (hey she’s covered by Medicare so why not) and felt kind of embarrassed when she asked me how long ago my husband had left. It’s 6 years now and I still don’t feel good about myself or about living alone. I don’t miss him, but I do miss being married, or having a partner. In my case it’s been harder to move on because of my daughter who has been a huge focus for ongoing warfare between us. He blames me for not being able to take care of her—as if I purposely decided to not supervise her properly, when taking care of her is like trying to tame a whirlwind. When you have a mentally ill child and you don’t get along you can be tied together in blame forever it seems.
Lately, however, I’m getting a sense of what moving on would feel like because my daughter refuses to have contact with me, so I don’t have to have contact with him or his witch of a wife. I talk to my daughter’s therapist but not her so far. It’s been very painful on the one hand—because I miss her—but it’s also been an enormous relief. I’ve had some time to focus on myself, to try to heal some of the still open wounds.
Although I miss her desperately, I’m getting used to the situation and starting to feel a guilty sense of relief in not having to deal with Ms. Out of Control on a regular basis. Hope the new shrink can help me get over some of the trauma of all this so maybe when I do visit with her I’ll be able to exert more authority. And hope I’ll be able to use this time move on a bit more.